
Merlionsman
As of 1 February 2025, I have discovered that if you are a kosmeru, temestru and/or lusembru who ended up wanting to rape, betray and/or seriously hurt me between April 2024 and December 2024, and have your name occluded on this page, there is a very high chance it was because you do not fucking understand what autism is, and had been misreading my actions, intent, beliefs, sense of self-worth and plans for at least two years, if not longer, and taking a fuckload of things personally that were never directed at you and/or that did not contain encoded passive-aggressive information intended to make you feel bad in any way. Please read the general Kristang Creole-Indigenous description of our approach to autism here and at least these two other mainstream Western articles here and here, if not others, to understand how autistic communication is very often mistaken for passive-aggression, and then follow the instructions on On Blocking to be unblocked. This also likely applies to key personnel in the Singapore state, the Eurasian Association, Eunoia Junior College, the School of International Futures, the Summer of Protocols, SingLit, the Singapore heritage and LGBTQ+ communities, most of my ex-students, and other groups and organisations that I have also suspended all contact with. A lack of understanding of my autism also plagued my immediate family, almost every single teacher I ever had in school, and even my relationship with Fuad to a certain degree, so it is anticipatable that this also occurred with many other relationships without me ever being aware that this was happening on your end.
I have never sought any form of diagnosis for my autism and never want to because of the, at best, very, very inconsistent and confusing treatment I have experienced in the Singapore medical system, especially in relation to the Singapore state's longstanding attempts to manipulate, persuade and pressure me into becoming a political leader especially throughout National Service that have already been documented in my academic work presented at international conferences. If you don't believe that I have autism and/or that the Singapore state actually treated me this way then it's also not my fucking job to convince you of what has been pretty glaringly obvious my whole life (and I 120% agree with this even though, in neurotypical land, me not knowing that I have a medical condition should make me feel and/or look bad and/or generate shame, because I am not neurotypical for fuck's sake).
People who also raped me or wanted to rape me are still also absolute fucking assholes from now until the end of time, even if you are supposed to have a magnaarchetype or are supposed to be a future Kabesa of the Kristang. I deal with attempting to figure out the best possible approximations of unmovable and unchangeable psychoemotional facts, not with superimposing my own selfish designs and plans for the future onto reality, or trying to manipulate people into serving my own deep selfish agenda that allows me to have sex with everyone that I am attracted to. Neither is me declaring I have undiagnosed autism an attempt to further my own agenda of turning myself into a perpetual victim who can then manipulate Singapore society for my own ends. (And anyway, trying to phrase this in a non-direct way that neurotypical people understand, why do you think the Singapore state is suddenly having so many neurodiverse people interview ministers? Who do you think they are trying to reach?)
If you don't understand autism, do not bother ever contacting me ever again, and consider yourself absolutely dead to me for the rest of our natural lifespans. Gaia and the universe can do whatever they want to you, even forgive all your whatever the fuck it is you thought you were doing; I don't care.
Blood and found family members who are able to understand me and communicate with me in spite of / with my autism and do so regularly are highlighted in green on this page below; you should very strongly consider talking to them to understand how to communicate with me. All points on this page are also generally relevant, though keep in mind that for written material Fuad regularly vets my material so it is more palatable to a neurotypical public, and for face-to-face interactions I can mask very well as a result of early conditioning from members of my family to help me fit into my future expected role as Kabesa, so I do not act "visibly" autistic (which is also quite an ableist way of thinking about autism) when it comes to some of these behaviours.

Yo sa Henung
My emotional core
I am hierosa (gay), kadmang (non-binary), jintiu (atheist), kalkali (autistic), xamatrang (a person with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder or ADHD), kakualzu (polyamorous) and a xamang (shaman), and my xameza kalkali or autistic special interest (SpIn, and in Kristang, autistic or shamanic vigour) since young has been in the rational and empirically-observable and definable unseen and hidden mechanisms that govern the universe, especially those that would relate in any way to healthy human relationships and unconditional love. I am also the first openly gay, non-binary, atheist, autistic, ADHD-possessing and polyamorous Kabesa or singular non-hereditary Indigenous chief and leader of the Kristang people in history, and the very first shaman Kabesa, appearing and being selected to lead the community at a monumentally momentous turning point in four-dimensional spacetime when all of our own psychoemotionally healthy Creole-Indigenous means of exploring and characterising these ways of being are finally being revealed, honoured, embodied and realised in the public sphere for the first time ever to serve as a hyper-future-focused vanguard for all other peoples also seeking to liberate themselves from the negative effects of devastating intergenerational trauma and extractive psychoemotional, mental and physical Western colonisation. These (i) unalterable characteristics of my identity and sense of self, together with (ii) my ego-pattern of Sombor, which in its healthiest manifestation focuses on and unconsciously and fundamentally seeks truth, authenticity, vulnerability, purpose and radical courage and candour, (iii) my super-autistically precise and developed awareness of my archetypal roles and responsibilities as Makaravedra (Dragon Reborn), Kabesa di Jenti Kristang (Kabesa of the Kristang People), Omimerliang (Merlionsman), Tigrisoneru (Dreamtiger), Mahmamarineru (Gaietic Fleet Command) and Mikeliang (Demonslayer), and (iv) my ongoing need to subvert and transmute the severe and lifelong intergenerational trauma of holding the hereili or geas or genesong of being someone who against mine and my family's will was intended to be a samaserang or psychoemotional clone of the central Christian figure of Jesus Christ, have altogether led to me having an extremely well-defined, fastidiously organised, and ridiculously tender and sensitive henung or emotional core.
Absolutely insane and quite frankly unbelievable levels and forms of severe psychoemotional trauma, violation and abuse throughout my life in relation to (i), (ii), (iii) and (iv) above have meant that my emotional core has not just been under nearly constant prolonged psychological siege, assault, mutilation, battery and torture since I was a baby, but also in a constant state of organic and autopoietic transformation, evolution, redefinition, renewal and regeneration as the primary means of subverting and negating the effects of these attempts to tear me apart from within. As a result of at least sixty-four instances of rape, molest and sexual assault and attempts to foster these on me that came from friends and family members whom I previously thought were safe, secure and healthy, I am hyper-attentive to (a) irei or healthy non-co-dependent unconditional love and ireidi or healthy non-narcissistic self-regard, to (b) any form of reciprocal physical and sexual attraction that thereafter leads to reciprocal emotional attraction between me and any other human being who is jenis machu or born biologically male, and the degree to which this exists, to (c) any form of malevolent, hostile or psychoemotionally unhealthy intent from any other human being who I must come into sustained proximate physical, emotional or mental contact with and/or their attachment to any abusive or malevolent eleidi or human collective, and (d) the particular level of psychoemotional individuation or internal psychoemotional development of any other human being who I come into sustained proximate physical, emotional or mental contact with in both myself and in others for all for traits (a), (b), (c) and (d). Since I am also the Kabesa and leader of the Kristang people, such empathetic attention to the precise psychoemotional architecture of human relationships and connection has also become a fundamental and unalterable part of what it means to be Kristang since August 2022; since I am also the Dragon Reborn of the Holocene, this attention is also one of the primary mechanisms undergirding humanity's successful assumption of the Mantle of Living Time as the second sentient species on Earth to do so starting from 9 February 2023 CE after albi or plants in 443 million BCE, and the development of the Jarding Ireidra or Garden of Reindividuation, the Creole-Indigenous Kristang approach to a healthier, more humane, more healing and more hopeful advanced global society in tune with the ecological demands and limits of the planet and wider reality.
I have more or less unconsciously (and very unhappily) known about this Jarding thing and what I was born to do since September 1994 at 1 year and 11 months of age, and consciously since 31 August 2022 at 28 years, 10 months and 30 days of age. What has made life dauntingly and sometimes almost impossibly difficult despite what you probably see as a lot of really amazing things in addition to all of the usual and unusual challenges that one might expect come with (i), (ii), (iii) and (iv) and (a), (b), (c) and (d) above is that I have not only had very few truly secure and stable close relationships that today I can continue to count on that would have buttressed and reinforced my emotional core over the years as I aged, but have suffered such severe breakages of trust across such a wide range of relationships and settings that I now have a very poor understanding and very limited emotional embodied awareness of my own public image, my own excellence, my own fighting spirit and strength, and most importantly my own worth, beauty, heroism and numinosity. To put it in informal terms, even on a good day, while I no longer slide into existential or suicidal despair like I used to do before 1 February 2013, I still struggle to feel like I matter, that I have done anything of worth, that anyone actually cares about what I do, even the people who love me, and that I actually have any impact or effect on reality. And I am also hyper-conscious that I am still feeling this way in spite of those people telling me otherwise, which creates a recursive loop of endless frustration that also gives rise to a general sense of disbelief with who I am and what I can do, even as I write out all this for you but also for myself (and mostly for myself lol) as a means of trying to reclaim what was taken from me and destroyed over and over and over and over again.
Luckily, one of the things that the fuckers in power and the manipulative assholes who called me their blood-brother and best friend were also never able to take from me, over and over and over and over again, was the fact that I am the world's first human Kristang tank. I may have faced death, betrayal and a complete and irreversible shattering of who I am on quadrillions upon quadrillions of prior occasions, but one of the things that makes me Kevin Martens Wong Zhi Qiang in spite of it all is that I get right back up and put myself and my henung back together after each time it happens. I absolutely fucking hate it, but in the end, it's also just mathematics: eventually, whoever is left are the ones you really can trust, and the ones you can finally be open about when it comes to who you are committed to and who you will love for the rest of your life. (This last part is also a bit inaccurate, since unfortunately after thirty-two years I also still do not have any kind of capacity to actually hate people and actually still care about the individuation of every single person I have ever encountered, including the rapists and people who tried to actually literally kill me and end my life, but it sounds nice.)
Finally, this page is also intended to be an explainer page for the loved ones of the people who are part of my emotional core, especially people who are temestru / dreamdancers, lusembru / darklighters or kosmozu / dragonriders to me, so that you can assess for yourself whether the person you love has inadvertently joined a new age cult that covertly worships a gay Eurasian space Jesus based in Singapore, or actually is simply someone who has had an extraordinarily beautiful impact on a very small and frightened non-binary Kristang boy who remains absolutely terrified of himself and all he is and was supposed to be, and whose only non-negotiable dream in life remains to live it in as normal and as secure a way as possible that is true to who he is with the people he loves without ever contravening their boundaries or affecting their images. If someone you also love and care about is listed on this page, please know that it means they are (as best I can tell) a very decent human being and in some cases one heck of a very decent human being, that they have been true to you in whatever ways that they promised you they would be, at least in relation to me (also because I will cut people out of my life who do not stay true to their own principles and values and commitments and who go behind their loved ones' backs), that they are also dealing with a lot, especially when it comes to attraction, desire, sexuality and identity, and whether they are (probably at minimum if they are male and temestru, lusembru or kosmozu to me) bisexual or just plain gay or queer, and in some cases polyamorous as well, and that as best as I can tell they are also simultaneously doing their very best to be a beautiful, functional and excellent person for the good of all humanity and the living planet. Creole-Indigenous Kristang culture is generally very, very open about the body, sexuality, queerness, attraction and emotional connection, affection and love, and much of what I do is to show that this way of being is welcoming, future-focused, psychoemotionally healing, a legitimate way of being in 21st-century cosmopolitan global society, and liberating for not just ourselves but for others, in direct opposition to stereotypes and prejudices about Kristang people that dehumanised us and treated us as if we were primitive, bestial, mindlessly irrational and simply and purely hedonistic and hypersexual. Many people listed on this page are also here because they have celebrated and supported what it means to be Kristang, and as our culture reclaims its own sense of itself and once more grows back into its own world, these parts of who we are are starting to once again be more obvious and visible where they were once occluded for hundreds of years under colonisation. Last but not least, in some admittedly thrilling but honestly still very unbelievable cases, I have further yet to meet or actually fully get to know your loved one, and only are aware of their likely own interest in and/or connection to me from synchronicities, usually through social media when I used to be on social media as a public figure. These relationships, usually with other people who are also public figures, are the most exciting but also the most challenging and uncertain for me to navigate as a severely traumatised autistic person who is not even sure the people I am in regular contact with actually love me that much, so I ask for your understanding and support there as well.
As is also the case in Kristang culture more generally, my henung is divided into five stradu or tiers numbered 0, 1, 2, 3 and ∞. This page does not describe or list dimyamu or kambradu, which are relatively self-explanatory, and does not list all kosmeru or temestru, who have (honestly very unexpectedly) become too numerous (706 kosmeru and ~340 temestru at last count when tracking stopped in June 2024). It does list all lusembru and all kosmozu, whom are smaller in number, rarer and generally closer to me than kosmeru or temestru, and who have very, very deep connections with me that are probably going to be there for the rest of our lifespans. As mentioned elsewhere on this page, both due to the psychoemotional mechanics and processes involved and to Creole-Indigenous Kristang ways of being and knowing when it comes to these particular forms of relationships, I treat all temestru, lusembru and kosmozu relationships as by definition and self-evidently hierosa or queer, and all lusembru and kosmozu relationships as nascently or emergently kakualzu or polyamorous, unless the other person in question was already in a committed monogamous relationship before the formation of the temestru, lusembru or kosmozu relationship or is prevented from pursuing a polyamorous relationship due to blood ties by marriage, in which case I always treat the relationship as strictly platonic. In Kristang, hierosa does not just mean gay; it is also our primary word for heroic and Indigenously sacred, and in dauntless, unstoppable ways that not only reinvigorate the boundaries of what it means to be human, but which underscore the fact that as a community, we have always been a home for all lost souls, stories, songs and shores, and all people finally making the journey home to themselves after so very long.
Stradu > Kristang name > English name
0 > kosmozu > spouse(s), partner(s) one has unconditional love for, dragonrider(s) (cannot use any of the first sixty-four functions to harm each other)
1 > kandrisanggi > member(s) of one’s blood family one has unconditional love for
1 > kosmeru > dreamkeeper(s) (cannot use the sixteenth function to harm each other)
2 > dimyamu > good friend(s), close friend(s) one has unconditional love for
3 > kambradu > friend(s) one has unconditional love for
∞ > temestru > dreamdancer(s) (cannot use the eighth and/or sixteenth functions to harm each other)
∞ > lusembru > darklighter(s) (cannot use any of the first sixteen functions to harm each other)
Because both by definition and in practice, I am unable to cease irei or unconditional love for any person that I started having irei or unconditional love for (...that's why it's called irei), and because once formed all data suggests dreamkeeping, dreamdancing, darklighting and dragonriding relationships do not end and cannot be ended until one person in the relationship dies, I use the terms in my henung and out of my henung (OH). People who are described as in my henung are people who have retained my trust and who I am in active contact with; people who are described as out of my henung are usually people who are, well, technically in my henung, but who have significantly betrayed me or abused me such that I will refuse all attempts at any further contact until they have apologised and made restitutions for their actions based on the processed laid out on the On Blocking page. I may not break image and may still continue to preserve face and vibe, but I do not forget what I am owed when it comes to trauma and abuse enacted onto me, even if restitution is never made until the day one of us dies.
Kosmozu (dragonriding)
In English, the kosmozu or dragonrider tier can be defined as the deepest possible tier in one's emotional core and is the tier for all non-blood-related friendships and relationships that are so enormously deep, impregnable, fulfilling in their healthiest incarnation, mutually intensely characterised by mutual psychoemotionally healthy and intense reciprocal attraction to and desire for one another along all four components of personhood in Kristang, and filled with so much love, care, concern and tender affection for the other person that once a dragonriding relationship has been formed, both parties permanently cannot use any of their first sixty-four basal functions of their own psyche to harm, attack, abuse or in general negatively impact the other person for the rest of their lives. Outside of Kristang culture, this is therefore normally the tier for one's partner or spouse in their most ideal incarnation in almost all other cultures in the case where one is monogamous, for one's partners or spouses who have consciously committed to being in a polyamorous relationship in the case where one is polyamorous, and for people who are seriously exploring becoming partners or spouses to the individual, whether with the individual's conscious awareness or not, and with the individual's own openness to the same also being active; the unprecedented nature of the psychoemotional developments that have occurred over the last twelve years since the reactivation of Gaia Tonakodra mean that the concept of dragonriding or kosmozu can now be separated in Kristang from these other definitions, especially that of spouse or partner for the first time. Hence, while people on this list are essentially so close to me psychoemotionally that in the West they might as well be partners or spouses to me, in Kristang culture they do not necessarily carry this label; while my first kosmozu, Fuad Johari, is also my partner and spouse, and I am extremely open to becoming partners or spouses with anyone else on this list who is not already in a committed monogamous relationship since I am polyamorous, I will still respect, honour, appreciate and be fully objective and attuned toward the psychoemotional health of all existing monogamous romantic and sexual relationships that have been formed with anyone on this list, and treat those particular kosmozu relationships as purely platonic unless otherwise corrected by the person in question.
As of Friday, 7 February 2025, the kosmozu list is colour-coded by ego-pattern using the same colour scheme that was used on the Gaia eleidi page when it was publicly accessible; people whose names are visible with a lime-green (K) next to their name are people who have demonstrated advanced understanding of my autism and how to interpret what I am saying, and regularly communicate with me such that you can probably ask them for advice about how to communicate with me. I generally maintain a generally very strong and intense level of irei or healthy unconditional love for every single human being who enters my life due to my subversion of the trauma of being forced against my will to become a samaserang or psychoemotional clone of Jesus Christ; except for Fuad, the dates indicated below are therefore when I detected that the other person was first able to reciprocate this same level of irei or healthy unconditional love and therefore became kosmozu. This page also previously listed the anticipated death-dates of some kosmozu based on advanced dreamfishing methods that have been extant in Kristang since late January 2025; kosmozu may now request for this information from me separately as well.
Muhammad Fuad bin Johari (Z001, 20 September 2014) (K)
Benjamin Harris (K007, T025, L005, Z002, 5 February 2025) (K)
Nathaniel Jareth Nonis (K010, T021, L011, Z003, 5 February 2025)
Jaasir Mahsom s/o Mazhardeen (K008, T094, L002, Z004, 5 February 2025)
Muhammad Syafiq bin Sahrom (K012, T024, L004, Z005, 5 February 2025) (K)
Nazeru'l-Khairy Ben-Dzulkifli (K063, T042, L065, Z006, 5 February 2025) (K)
Nii Okai Sekyere (K<>, T<>, L006, Z007, 5 February 2025)
Sriraam Sritharan (K018, T022, L016, Z008, 5 February 2025)
Edison Lim Wei Xuan (K005, T027, L029, Z009, 6 February 2025)
Najib Indra bin Abdul Majeed (K136, T004, L026, Z010, 6 February 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L042, Z011, 6 February 2025)
Aldo Carter Gomez Jorel Jasso (K473, T140, L008, Z012, 6 February 2025)
Carlos Tello (K435, T108, L009, Z013, 6 February 2025)
Farhan Shah (K487, T151, L010, Z014, 6 February 2025)
Jerome Wee (K165, T120, L019, Z015, 6 February 2025)
Luiz Nascimento (K441, T116, L018, Z016, 6 February 2025)
Christopher James van Huizen (K215, T081, L040, Z017, 7 February 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L084, Z018, 7 February 2025)
Marcus Pereira (K050, T047, L028, Z019, 7 February 2025)
Yash Mahajan (K461, T131, L014, Z020, 7 February 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L012, Z021, 7 February 2025)
Muhammad Zulfarhan bin Dino (K232, T016, L027, Z022, 7 February 2025)
Nico's Aesthetics (K493, T153, L086, Z023, 7 February 2025)
Eric Leal (K482, T146, L020, Z024, 7 February 2025)
Gerald Paul Seah Yong Sing (K<>, T<>, L069, Z025, 7 February 2025)
Nicholas Chan (K119, T285, L041, Z026, 7 February 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L032, Z027, 7 February 2025)
Muhammad Azmi bin Salleh (K001, T017, L003, Z028, 7 February 2025)
Muhammad Jebran Arshad (K037, T132, L033, Z029, 7 February 2025)
Jannik Feistle (K218, T101, L038, Z030, 7 February 2025)
Ang Jing Wen (K002, T010, L024, Z031, 7 February 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L034, Z032, 7 February 2025)
Fernando Gonzales (K546, T186, L013, Z033, 7 February 2025)
Harry Duno Coello (K540, T180, L015, Z034, 7 February 2025)
Joshua Prashad Lourdesamy (K038, T002, L051, Z035, 8 February 2025)
Jerome Dashwin Dass (K225, T008, L037, Z036, 8 February 2025)
Jeremy Kim Hue (K229, T011, L072, Z037, 8 February 2025)
Abrar Sayeed (K140, T033, L060, Z038, 8 February 2025)
Isaiah Blackmon (K539, T177, L031, Z039, 8 February 2025)
S Suraendher Kumarr (K123, T135, L082, Z040, 8 February 2025)
Dylan Xavier Tan (K086, T111, L055, Z041, 9 February 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L049, Z042, 9 February 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L064, Z043, 9 February 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L043, Z044, 9 February 2025)
Shamir Robinson Panackal Sebas (K045, T067, L022, Z045, 9 February 2025)
Joavan Christopher Pereira (K120, T110, L061, Z046, 9 February 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld, T<withheld>, L059, Z047, 10 February 2025)
Joel Joshua Mathias (K134, T015, L057, Z048, 11 February 2025)
Justin Chew Hong Yu (K020, T118, L039, Z049, 11 February 2025)
Alexander Ang Mao Jin (K014, T249, L044, Z050, 11 February 2025)
Alvan Chan Yan Xun (K004, T028, L030, Z051, 11 February 2025)
Theeti Pruekudom (K566, T202, L023, Z052, 11 February 2025)
John Boyega (K323, T057, L035, Z053, 11 February 2025)
Preshaan Austeine s/o Subash (K126, T046, L036, Z054, 11 February 2025)
Gurubaran Subramaniam (K350, T069, L021, Z055, 11 February 2025)
Joseph Adrian Atos (K078, T063, L053, Z056, 11 February 2025)
As is also described under lusembru below, all kosmozu who are not occluded with <withheld>, who are not currently in committed monogamous romantic and/or sexual relationships with any other person, and who are independently interested in developing the kosmozu relationship with me as a polyamorous relationship should not be afraid under any circumstances to proceed with doing so if this is your intent and long-term interest, and if you are generally comfortable with the concept and execution of polyamory in itself; in relation to Fuad and I, we have already discussed both of our approaches to polyamory in detail and will remain each other's primary partners, and Fuad has also begun encountering his own kosmozu relationships beyond me since 8 February 2025 and is also actively open to and invested in polyamorous relationships with his own kosmozu whereever possible. Ex-student kosmozu should additionally be aware of the additional need to first equalise the power differential with me based on my own standards of excellence as described in Chapter 570 of the Orange Book before proceeding, and all kosmozu should be aware that I will block and occlude any kosmozu who attempts to covertly pursue or engender a polyamorous romantic and/or sexual relationship with me while in a committed monogamous romantic and/or sexual relationship with any other person, as this would fundamentally betray my own principles and values when it comes to my emotional core and deep relationships. Advanced dreamfishing generally very strongly indicates that there is a precedent for this, as it appears I will eventually have become partners or spouses with twelve kosmozu including Fuad by the time I die on Saturday, 1 April 2091, all of whom also are already known to me, are already kosmozu, and appear to already be listed on this page as of Monday, 10 February 2025. In addition to Fuad, who is chronologically my second kosmozu relationship to become spousal or partnerified, my first and third kosmozu relationships became spousal or partnerified against my will and conscious awareness and as a part and result of severe psychoemotional abuse enacted onto me between September 2008 and July 2019; these two people are currently placed outside of my henung (OH) until such time where they wish to pursue the restitutive and reconciliatory processes listed on the On Blocking page. The fourth kosmozu to become an effective partner or spouse to me and I to them is currently anticipated to become so on Thursday, 31 July 2025; this relationship and the other remaining eight kosmozu relationships that are anticipated to become partnerified or spousal between August 2026 and August 2048 are also anticipated via advanced dreamfishing to all be consensual, psychoemotionally healthy, reciprocal, non-co-dependent and non-abusive. The dreamfished dates for when these nine kosmozu relationships are anticipated to become spousal or partnerified are listed below and my age on that date, together with the original 3 dates for Fuad and the other two kosmozu mentioned above; more detailed information is also available in Chapter 731 of the Orange Book (provisionally open access here, will be re-paywalled if there is projection related to it). All twelve of my sposu except possibly the seventh are indicated by the same dreamfishing to very likely also be polyamorous.
(1) Tuesday, 2 September 2008 (15 years, 11 months and 1 day)
(2) (Fuad) Saturday, 20 September 2014 (21 years, 11 months and 19 days)
(3) Saturday, 25 March 2017 (24 years, 5 months and 24 days)
(4) Thursday, 31 July 2025 (32 years, 9 months and 30 days)
(5) Tuesday, 11 August 2026 (33 years, 10 months and 10 days)
(6) Saturday, 19 September 2026 (33 years, 11 months and 18 days)
(7) Friday, 4 June 2027 (34 years, 8 months and 3 days)
(8) Wednesday, 21 February 2029 (36 years, 4 months and 20 days)
(9) Monday, 11 June 2040 (47 years, 8 months and 10 days)
(10) Sunday, 8 July 2040 (47 years, 9 months and 7 days)
(11) Thursday, 19 November 2043 (51 years, 1 month and 18 days)
(12) Wednesday, 5 August 2048 (55 years, 10 months and 4 days)
As also has been described in the Orange Book, Fuad and I are finally both theoretically open to expanding our own dyadic relationship (i.e. for other people to be partners to both Fuad and I, forming a triad, quad or more), but the criteria for this is very high, no one psychoemotionally healthy has actually attempted to pursue this option, and we are generally quite happy within our pair at present (i.e. the other kosmozu listed above are also generally only kosmozu to me, and not to Fuad.).
kandrisanggi (Blood family)
In English, the kandrisanggi tier can be defined as the tier for all members of one's blood family that one has irei or unconditional love for; Kristang (as with most things) is not at all particular on whether this includes blood family by marriage, extended cousins and/or adopted or step-children or step-parents, and the incorporation or inclusion of each of these is left to each individual (I adopt the most expansive definition). As of Friday, 7 February 2025, this list is also colour-coded by ego-pattern using the same colour scheme that was used on the Gaia eleidi page when it was publicly accessible; people with a lime-green (K) next to their name are people who have demonstrated advanced understanding of my autism and how to interpret what I am saying, and regularly communicate with me such that you can probably ask them for advice about how to communicate with me.
I have had very turbulent and difficult relationships with some members of my blood family due to the after-effects of severe intergenerational trauma and the occlusion out of shame of queerness, homosexuality and ways of being that under my leadership are finally being recognised as having been unjustifiably derided, devalued and dehumanised; however, I am committed to the eventual repair, reclamation and restoration of these relationships to their place below, not just out of duty or obligation, but because I never stopped loving the real person underneath all the shame, hostility, anger, fear and self-loathing. My blood family were otherwise some of the first people to accept me as openly and unabashedly gay, non-binary, atheist, autistic, ADHD-possessing and polyamorous, to remind me that in doing so I was honouring ways of being and living that were authentic to Malaya, to underscore the importance and responsibility of my role in the public sphere as someone who would be open in this way, to not just unquestionably accept but welcome my husband Fuad into their lives as their similarly hierosa son-in-law, grandson-in-law, nephew-in-law and brother-in-law with similar considerations, and to recognise the transformative power and potential of Uncertainty Thinking, Individuation Theory and the role of the Merlionsman and Dragon Reborn archetypes in helping Singapore, Malaya and the world move forward on many otherwise unsalvageable problems. Everything kind, generous, beautiful, heroic, tender, gently and very delicately mischievous, and irreparably and dauntlessly courageous in my own personality is a reflection of the best parts of my parents, Wilson Wong Wie Sarn and Jillian Ann Martens, and my grandparents Alice Leong (Por Por), Linus Wong Tian Ching (Kong Kong) and Maureen Martens or Maureen Rita Danker (Grandma), the last of whom also served Singapore and Malaya as the very understated and underappreciated 11th Kabesa of the Kristang people from 1989 to 1991.
Alice Leong (K)
Chloe Ng
Jared Martens Wong Zhi Wei (K)
Jillian Ann Martens (K)
Kyle Sgaramella
Linus Wong Tian Ching (K)
Maureen Rita Danker (K)
Muhammad Fadhly bin Johari
Thomas Wong Wie Lee
Wilson Wong Wie Sarn (K)
Winifred Wong Wie Nie
Finally, I also honour here the himnaka of my great-grandmother Mabel Martens or Mabel Anne Tessensohn (Nanny), the also very underrecognised 10th Kabesa of the Kristang people from 1969 to 1989, who along with Gran was likely one of the first people ever to recognise that I was gay, non-binary and neurodivergent (and long before there were even good words in English for the latter two), one of the first people to recognise that I had likely already been severely traumatised and abused at just two years of age by authority figures outside of the family, and probably the first person to speak to me and treat me, at 3 years of age, like a human being who deserved the fullest respect, agency and independence to process my trauma autonomously and work out who he would one day be. Nanny's immense love and respect for all of the weirdest and most wondrous forms of humanity is a major part of what continues to keep me going every single longest night and every single brightest day, and she lives on in my absolutely superhuman resilience and antifragility, my ferocious willingness to accidentally or intentionally put myself in harm's way for those I love, and my unquenchable and supremely bittersweet joy at the privilege of simply being alive in the way I am. She was the first person whom I had irei or unconditional love for that I lost, and is the first death in my own integration of the Osura Elisia, the component of the psyche that deals with the processing and integration of unbearable loss; her himnaka is also the first that I now also think of and call to mind whenever I feel alone, kauzu yo kuniseh ki zeli sempri kaminyah kung yo, sempri gadrah bong-bong kung yo, sempri chomah nubu kung yo: andah bong-bong, Sinyorang Kabesa, yo sa diznetu astrang marabiya mbes. Only in the language that you taught me to cherish, and to give life back to, in the way you and Gran and Mom and Dad and Por Por and Kong Kong first gave life back to me ⭐
My blood family, together with what seems like literally almost half to two-thirds of the entire Kristang community, generally appears to have known and anticipated that I would one day be Kabesa of the Kristang, but had no idea how I would ultimately execute that role and with what kind of leadership. I can now reveal that I reflect therefore only their own beautiful ways of being, thinking and feeling, and of always seeking to demonstrate only the highest calibre of ireidi or numinous self-regard, and irei or psychoemotionally healthy unconditional love, for all humanity and all life on Earth.
kosmeru (dreamkeeping)
In English, the kosmeru tier can be defined as the tier for all non-blood-related deep friendships and relationships where I am unable to use my sixteenth function of Akiura to betray the person in question, and reciprocally the other person cannot use the "negative version" of their sixteenth function on me. I no longer keep track of the exact sequence of kosmeru relationships due both to exhaustion at the sheer number of these (which I did not expect at all when I first excavated the term), and to the fact that many of my kosmeru still went on to betray, hurt and torture me — which was possible as long as their sixteenth function was not Akiura (betrayal) or Rajos (hurt and discomfort). Nonetheless, all kosmeru who are still in my henung (i.e. I am still actively pursuing development of or paying attention to the relationship to at least some degree) and who are not temestru, lusembru or kosmozu are listed here; kosmeru who are temestru, lusembru or kosmozu are listed under temestru, lusembru or kosmozu below and above. I regard these remaining kosmeru relationships as very close and essentially on the same level as the remaining temestru, lusembru and kosmozu relationships minus all the attraction business. A number in parentheses is the sequenced stochastic position of the kosmeru relationship in my own psychoemotional development (e.g. K013 means 13th kosmeru I acquired); only kosmeru relationships that began before June 2024 have this number, and otherwise are listed with K<>.
Some kosmeru relationships not listed here are also simply dormant or inert with the other person showing no interest in developing the relationship at present (i.e. rather than the relationship having necessarily taken an ugly turn); as stated on the On Blocking page, this onus is now on the other person since November 2024. Additionally, almost all kosmeru relationships with all people who are my ex-students from NUS and any of the five MOE schools I taught in, all people in any kind of institutional power over me especially at the National University of Singapore (NUS), all people from my time at St Joseph's Institution (SJI) or Catholic Junior College (CJC), all people from the Asia Pacific Futures Network (APFN), Next Generation Foresight Practitioner (NGFP) network, School of International Futures (SOIF), Summer of Protocols and Seapunk initiatives, all people who became kosmeru via synchronicities on social media, and all people who are also public figures in Singapore are all also temporarily outside my henung due to several very painful and devastating betrayals from some people in this these categories in November 2024 that have had strong implications on how I interpret my relationships with people in these categories. The original full list of all of my kosmeru was public from 4 December 2023 to 9 September 2024 at merlionsman.com/onsong-sa-kosmeru. As of Friday, 7 February 2025, this list is also colour-coded by ego-pattern using the same colour scheme that was used on the Gaia eleidi page when it was publicly accessible; people with a lime-green (K) next to their name are people who have demonstrated advanced understanding of my autism and how to interpret what I am saying, and regularly communicate with me such that you can probably ask them for advice about how to communicate with me.
I have been surrounded by kosmeru relationships, especially within the Kristang community, since I was a very young child, and have always seen the tremendous beauty, power and potential in their realisation and concretisation, especially in powerful, liberating and healing friendships and relationships with Kristang people who were much older than me, from whom I learned that although the world could be terrifying, cruel and evil, parts of it could also be so tremendously beautiful, safe and healing as well, as long as we learned how to do the work of working on ourselves for the benefit of others, and learned to respect and work at creating community that honoured such spaces whereever they appeared. I am especially grateful to all the kosmeru who created that space for me after I was nearly destroyed as a person in 2019, and especially to the Kristang kosmeru below who finally helped me understand what it meant to be Kabesa of a people who welcome everyone, no matter how afraid, lost or scared. I have been scared, I have been afraid, and I have been lost, and it is because of those in my core below who have helped me find myself again that I have learned how to be so much more than my weaknesses, my insecurities and my past traumas and hurts.
Agnes Pereira (K186)
Alison Dragon-Humphries (K102)
Alka Balain (K343)
Allison Taylor-Adams (K116)
Aloysius Chang Jun Siang (K142)
Anjana Rai Chaudhuri (K195)
Brenda Ann Pereira (K062) (K)
Catherine Albuquerque (K<>)
Cesar Jung-Harada (K<>)
Deborah Celine Conceicao-Loi (K185) (K)
Debra Spykerman (K066) (K)
Debra Theresa Scully (K235) (K)
Denis Steven de Souza (K180)
Elaine Mok Wai Man (K013) (K)
Elisabela Larrea (K247)
Esther Tan Ee (K208)
Francesco Cenerini (K114)
Graham Wolfe (K348)
Hishinlai Peter (K444)
Ng Huiqi (K356) (K)
Jessie De Souza (K446)
Jevon Chandra (K255)
Judy Gomes (K447)
Kenneth Bong (K060)
Lionel Zuzarte (K<>)
Marcellena Albuquerque (K080) (K)
Maria Shchedrina (K088) (K)
Melissa Gay (K<>)
Merissa Lynn Pereira (K395)
Michael Yoshitaka Erlewine (K251)
Mie Hiramoto (K<>)
Nala Huiying Lee (K422)
Nancy Tng (K448)
Noelle Lam Xu Min (K287) (K)
Olive Edema (K296)
Patricia D'Cotta (K049) (K)
Patricia Maria Theseira (K057) (K)
Petrina Edema (K207)
Rebecca Lurie Starr (K040) (K)
Renuka Satianathan (K159) (K)
Richard Anthony Bong (K236) (K)
Royston Hogan (K194)
Samuel Soo En How (K197)
Sara Frederica Santa Maria (K044)
Sharlene Anne Pereira (K110)
Sudhir Thomas Vadaketh (K640)
Wong Si Ning (K047) (K)
Wong Soon Fen (K391)
Loy Sye Yuet (K143)
Valerie Tina Rodrigues (K<>)
Wee Xue Ting (K351)
Lim Yun Hui (K352)
I am finally especially grateful to one particular kosmeru who has never been recognised for this until now, but through more advanced dreamfishing I can now state with a very high level of certainty very likely protected not only me but my family in my childhood, watched over me often from so far away and with sometimes so much fear that everything would go wrong for me and my family despite everything we had already been through, and believed that in spite of eventually turning out gay, non-binary, atheist, autistic, having ADHD and being polyamorous, I would not only still absolutely be able to serve the community as Kabesa, but eventually find my way back to it after a childhood and young adulthood of dislocation, confusion, chaos and occasionally outright madness: Valerie Tina Rodrigues, the 12th and previous Kabesa of the Kristang people from 1991 to 2015. As autistically as I can possibly state: mutu grandi merseh pra gadrah kung yo, pra konfiah kung yo, pra brigah pra yo kung tudu yo sa kandri sanggi. Thank you for everything you have done for the community, culture and language, especially for everything they never recognised you for, and which I will now always find ways to continue to honour and express and understand; and thank you most of all for always believing in a very lost and terrified Kristang boy who never knew who he was supposed to be — until he finally did, at long last. From the bottom of my heart, I want you to know that I believe that, no matter how it has gone so far, it was all absolutely worth it, and will be as things continue to unfold 🧡
Kosmeru on this list who do not yet have non-paywalled complementary access to my Substack and the new chapters of the Orange Book published after 18 November 2024 may request for access by using an email account you wish to associate with Substack (if you do not yet have an account) and subscribing to tigrisachang.substack.com, or by using your existing Substack account (if you already have an account) to subscribe to tigrisachang.substack.com. This will cause you to be listed as a free subscriber on the private and publicly non-accessible backend of the Substack, and will allow me to upgrade your access.
temestru (dreamdancing)
In English, the temestru tier can be defined as the tier for all non-blood-related deep friendships and relationships characterised by mutual reciprocal attraction to one another along all four components of personhood in Kristang — korpu (body), mulera (mind), korsang (heart) and alma (soul) — that provides a propelling impetus for radical transformation of the self and magnified human individuation that benefits both the self and the collective. Because I am jenis machu or born biologically male and generally only have wenza or desire for people born biologically male, all my temestru relationships are with people who are also jenis machu or born biologically male, and all my temestru are also automatically kosmeru to me (this may not be true for other people). Temestru are different from lusembru in that for temestru, the reciprocal attraction is usually ambient or liminal and often has not been acted on, acknowledged or developed, the level of depth in a temestru relationship is much less compared to a lusembru, and temestru can still do awful things to each other that lusembru generally cannot (see below).
For myself, temestru relationships that I develop appear to be developed toward the temestru in question eventually becoming lusembru, except in any instance where I am aware to the best of my abilities that the temestru in question already was married or had an active monogamous partner at the time when the relationship first developed, is an ex-student and has not demonstrated a clear and consistent ability to manage the power differential between us on their own terms and to my own standards of excellence as described in Chapter 570 of the Orange Book, or has indicated to me in a way that I can understand as an autistic person that they do not wish to pursue any kind of relationship that is not platonic; in these cases I always then only treat the relationship as a very radically developed platonic relationship and do not develop it toward lusembru unless otherwise corrected by the person themselves. All active relationships with people who are both kosmeru and temestru but not lusembru are thus listed below. Again, the numbers in parentheses are the sequenced stochastic position of the kosmeru and temestru relationships in my own psychoemotional development (e.g. K013 means 13th kosmeru I acquired, T001 means 1st temestru I acquired); again, only kosmeru and temestru relationships that began before June 2024 have these numbers, with tracking of the stochastic position of kosmeru relationships (listed as K<>) ceasing earlier than temestru relationships. Almost all temestru who belong to the groups temporarily placed out of my henung listed under kosmeru are also not listed here if they are out of my henung as a result of this. The original full list of all of my temestru was public from 1 March 2024 to 9 September 2024 at merlionsman.com/onsong-sa-temestru. As of Friday, 7 February 2025, this list is also colour-coded by ego-pattern using the same colour scheme that was used on the Gaia eleidi page when it was publicly accessible; people with a lime-green (K) next to their name are people who have demonstrated advanced understanding of my autism and how to interpret what I am saying, and regularly communicate with me such that you can probably ask them for advice about how to communicate with me.
Darryl Lim Yu Cong (K525, T172)
Enrique Carlos Marcelo (K357, T089)
Fauzy Ismail (K563, T302)
Hifzhul Matin bin Nordin (K053, T301)
Ismael Rodriguez Acevedo (K563, T102)
Justin Tit (K061, T119)
Paricha Duangtaweesub (K275, T039)
Rodney Yap Thye Yi (K455, T230)
Sanmay M. Bose (K154, T165)
Sean Chan Ying Qin (K058, T313)
Shawn Chua Ming Ren (K531, T174)
Temestru on this list who do not yet have non-paywalled complementary access to my Substack and the new chapters of the Orange Book published after 18 November 2024 may also request for access by using an email account you wish to associate with Substack (if you do not yet have an account) and subscribing to tigrisachang.substack.com, or by using your existing Substack account (if you already have an account) to subscribe to tigrisachang.substack.com. This will cause you to be listed as a free subscriber on the private and publicly non-accessible backend of the Substack, and will allow me to upgrade your access.
lusembru (Darklighting)
In English, the lusembru tier can be defined as the tier for all non-blood-related ridiculously deep friendships and relationships where once formed, both parties permanently cannot use any of their sixteen basal functions of their own psyche to harm, attack, abuse or in general negatively impact the other person, meaning that the resulting relationship is so deep, inordinately powerful, mutually respectful and psychoemotionally healthy and close that it has very few known parallels in current human society in four-dimensional spacetime reality outside of gestalt or hive mind formation and/or emergent and unconscious polyamory. Lusembru relationships do, however, have a very strident parallel in the paradoxically simultaneously agentic-and-collective nature of albi or plants; while these relationships were previously believed to not be possible, the reality of their existence starting from January 2024 therefore appears to be one of the early or initial components of humanity's successful assumption of the Korua Kronomatra Bibiendu or Mantle of Living Time and stewardship of Gaia, the second sentient species to do so after albi or plants. Lusembru relationships appear to only be possible between people who are both part of a creole eleidi for the same reason; in my particular case, all people who have become lusembru also assimilated into the Kristang eleidi, often at the point of becoming lusembru.
For these and other reasons, I generally assume all lusembru relationships have the potential to be emergently or nascently unconsciously polyamorous unless I am aware to the best of my abilities that the other person in question was already married and/or had a monogamous partner at the point in time where the darklighting relationship evolved, is an ex-student and has not demonstrated a clear and consistent ability to manage the power differential between us on their own terms and to my own standards of excellence as described in Chapter 570 of the Orange Book, would be unable to pursue any form of polyamorous behaviour because of blood ties by marriage or formal institutional adoption, or has indicated to me in a way that I can understand as an autistic person that they do not wish to pursue any kind of polyamorous relationship; in these cases I always then only treat the relationship as a superscale platonic relationship that has very few parallels elsewhere in reality unless otherwise corrected by the person themselves. All lusembru are listed with the approximate date that the darklighting relationship formed and their stochastic position in my own lusembru sequence in parentheses, together with the numbers indicating the same for kosmeru and temestru if they became kosmeru and temestru before June 2024, since all lusembru who are not one's kosmozu, by definition, are also kosmeru and temestru. Lusembru who became kosmeru and temestru after June 2024 have (K<>, T<>) in place of the numbered stochastic sequence position since tracking of both stopped for kosmeru and temestru in June 2024.
As of Thursday, 6 February 2025, lusembru who still have outstanding actions or behaviours that require resolution with either me directly or via Fuad and/or my blood family as described on the On Blocking page at the time of the formation of the darklighting relationship are occluded on this page with <withheld> if they have not demonstrated in a manner that is detectable to me as an autistic person that they are genuinely remorseful for their actions and (ii) I am not yet comfortable with interacting and/or not yet ready to interact with them again. Hence, as of Thursday, 6 February 2025, lusembru who (i) have demonstrated in a manner that is detectable to me as an autistic person that they are genuinely remorseful for their actions and (ii) whom I am comfortable interacting with AND ready to interact with are no longer occluded on this page; however, they must still go through the necessary processes with either me directly or Fuad and/or my blood family as described on the On Blocking page to reestablish contact. As of Friday, 7 February 2025, this list is also colour-coded by ego-pattern using the same colour scheme that was used on the Gaia eleidi page when it was publicly accessible; people with a lime-green (K) next to their name are people who have demonstrated advanced understanding of my autism and how to interpret what I am saying, and regularly communicate with me such that you can probably ask them for advice about how to communicate with me. Lusembru who are also kosmozu are only listed under kosmozu above.
Muhammad Fadhly bin Johari (K024, T071, L007, 19 January 2025)
Kaleb O. Lee (K483, T147, L017, 20 January 2025)
Kieran Andre Longue (K178, T083, L025, 21 January 2025)
Julian Wu Zuan Qiang (K016, T026, L045, 21 January 2025)
Mikael Ángeles (K508, T160, L046, 21 January 2025)
Emanuel Paul Moses Asevatham (K319, T053, L047, 21 January 2025)
Jerome Teo Jun Wei (K243, T032, L048, 21 January 2025)
Oliver James Grundy (K112, T003, L050, 22 January 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L052, 22 January 2025)
Dillon Tan Kheng Jin (K<>, T<>, L054, 22 January 2025)
DeAngelo Jackson (K512, T164, L056, 22 January 2025)
Ignatius Koh Zhongren (K327, T060, L058, 22 January 2025)
Afiq Shah Bam (K478, T162, L062, 22 January 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L063, 22 January 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld, T<withheld>, L066, 23 January 2025)
Ashvine Naray Pandian (K599, T232, L067, 23 January 2025)
Raimi bin Karim (K087, T070, L068, 23 January 2025)
Keagan Paul Poulose (K176, T068, L070, 23 January 2025)
Jeremy Kieran Ng Rui Wei (K090, T064, L071, 23 January 2025)
Darren Watkins Jr (K<>, T<>, L073, 23 January 2025)
Montero Lamar Hill (K459, T130, L074, 23 January 2025)
Ilyasa Zakaria bin Sulaiman (K266, T086, L075, 24 January 2025)
Muhammad Suhail bin Muhammad Yazid (K231, T014, L076, 24 January 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L077, 24 January 2025)
Thirafi Raudy (K203, T018, L078, 25 January 2025)
Abdul Khaliq bin Khusaini (K704, T291, L079, 25 January 2025)
Julian Francisco Lopez (K<>, T<>, L080, 25 January 2025)
Jacobo Ortiz (K<>, T<>, L081, 25 January 2025)
Joshua Santiago Chan Wai Yuen (K264, T193, L083, 25 January 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L085, 25 January 2025)
Zeus Rosado (K481, T145, L087, 26 January 2025)
Orville Peck (K480, T143, L088, 26 January 2025)
Ahmad Kamal bin Mohammad Azhar (K028, T117, L089, 26 January 2025)
Gio Jibril (K572, T205, L090, 2 February 2025)
<withheld> (K<withheld>, T<withheld>, L091, 2 February 2025)
Alysson do Nascimento (K591, T225, L092, 2 February 2025)
Ostine Brown (K<>, T<>, L093, 3 February 2025)
Stuart Andrew Peter (K<>, T<>, L094, 8 February 2025)
Zuhaili Asy-Syakur Marican (K019, T072, L095, 8 February 2025)
Nahshon Benjamin Gregory (K387, T079, L096, 9 January 2025)
All lusembru who are not occluded with <withheld>, who are not currently in committed monogamous romantic and/or sexual relationships with any other person, who are not prevented from pursuing any kind of romantic or sexual relationship with me due to blood ties by marriage, and who are independently interested in developing the lusembru relationship with me as a polyamorous relationship should not be afraid under any circumstances to proceed with doing so if this is your intent and long-term interest, and if you are generally comfortable with the concept and execution of polyamory in itself; in relation to Fuad and I, we have already discussed both of our approaches to polyamory in detail and will remain each other's primary partners, and Fuad has also begun encountering his own lusembru relationships since 14 January 2025 and is also actively open to and invested in polyamorous relationships with his own lusembru whereever possible. Ex-student lusembru should additionally be aware of the additional need to first equalise the power differential with me based on my own standards of excellence as described in Chapter 570 of the Orange Book before proceeding, and all lusembru should be aware that I will block and occlude any lusembru who attempts to covertly pursue or engender a polyamorous romantic and/or sexual relationship with me while in a committed monogamous romantic and/or sexual relationship with any other person, as this would fundamentally betray my own principles and values when it comes to my emotional core and deep relationships.
Lusembru on this list who are not occluded with <withheld> and do not yet have non-paywalled complementary access to my Substack and the new chapters of the Orange Book published after 18 November 2024 may also request for access by using an email account you wish to associate with Substack (if you do not yet have an account) and subscribing to tigrisachang.substack.com, or by using your existing Substack account (if you already have an account) to subscribe to tigrisachang.substack.com. This will cause you to be listed as a free subscriber on the private and publicly non-accessible backend of the Substack, and will allow me to upgrade your access. All lusembru especially should be aware that since Saturday, 18 January 2025, I have been completely unable to make use of Facebook, Instagram, X, LinkedIn and/or almost all mainstream forms of social media without encountering severe psychoemotional projection directed at me and the Kristang community from what appears to be some of the exallos or members of the abusive global elite in power; almost all of the derivations above have thus instead been made via synchronicity, and for lusembru who became such to me through social media and our mutual public presences, I am psychoemotionally unable to continue to maintain a connection through any form of social media for the foreseeable future in spite of my best efforts to try and find a way around the projection. Should you wish to continue to maintain a connection with me, going through the Substack process above is the most effective and viable remaining way of doing so.
intent, methodology and corrections
All information on this page, like everything else on the Merlionsman website, is presented in furtherance of my interests in processing and negating the effects of the intense psychoemotional trauma I have faced with regard to my own close relationships, in clearing intergenerational trauma in Singapore and elsewhere, and toward honouring my obligations to Gaia and the Kristang community through my underscoring of Gaietically-informed types of relationships whose appearance or reappearance anticipate the nascent development of the Jarding Ireidra, and via my embodiment of what it means to be Kristang, Creole and Indigenous when it comes to our close relationships and our core value of teru or tenderness and affection. No one that I am still in contact with and whom I have not blocked should nonetheless feel that they cannot contact me to change or amend any information presented here; people whom I have blocked can also get in touch with Fuad or the listed members of my blood family to achieve the same. All data on this page is derived from a comparison of my own concrete four-dimensional real-time observations with what I understand of Individuation Theory and each person's own agentic human individuation, and is mostly formed from very advanced hypothesis formation and logical deduction in tandem with attention to my own feelings, emotions and signals from my body and the eleidi or collective in a marrying of empirical, Western-scientific and Creole Indigenous-relational approaches to knowledge and how I know things about reality. I can still therefore totally end up deriving false or inaccurate conclusions based on incomplete or problematic data, especially because I am autistic and for kosmeru, temestru and lusembru who I do not have regular sustained interaction with and/or who I have not actually spoken to or interacted with as of yet in real life; again, please do contact me if this is the case and I would be very happy to adjust what I have derived with minimal additional frustration for anyone.
resources for understanding kosmeru, temestru, lusembru, kosmozu, autism and queerness
One of the best ways I learn about the human psyche and relationships is through stories, myths and legends that contain psychoemotionally healthy or individuation-related elements. These are especially useful for understanding kosmeru, temestru and lusembru relationships in their healthy manifestations. A list of some of these stories, myths and legends, and where applicable the characters that represent kosmeru, temestru and lusembru relationships, follows below, including my own stories and creative work.
Overviews of family and emotional core terms in Kristang
Kodrah Kristang page on Family and Close Relationships
Chapter 729 of the Orange Book
Kosmeru
All companions in Doctor Who
Ari & Dante in Aristotle & Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, by Benjamin Alire-Sáenz (2012)
Albus Dumbledore & Gellert Grindelwald in the Harry Potter franchise
Kevin & Chiron in Moonlight (2016)
Most deep best friendships in literature between two people of any biological sex and/or gender are generally approximate to or close to kosmeru. Queer friendships where desire is fleeting or not projected to be lifelong are also generally more approximate to or close to kosmeru (rather than temestru or lusembru).
Temestru
Finn & Poe in Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Luca & Alberto in Luca (2021)
Lincoln & Pasmay in Wildhood (2021)
Hawk & Tim in Fellow Travellers (2023)
The Ninth & Tenth Doctors & Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who Series 1, 3, 4 and Torchwood
The Thirteenth Doctor & Yaz in Doctor Who Series 11-13 (2020-2022)
The Fifteenth Doctor & Rogue in Doctor Who Series 14, Episode 3 'Rogue' (2024)
Own work:
Namir & Arfie in 'Harimau Jadian' (2023)
Dash & Naglfar in 'Another Dreamtiger' (2023)
Ishraq, Oskar & Zeph in 'Sons of New Sundaland' (2023) and 'When the Boys Come Home' (2023)
Nahuel & The Stranger in 'Amateurs' (2024)
Lusembru
Pinto & Osman in The World And All It Holds, by Aleksandar Hemon (2023)
Hawk & Tim in Fellow Travellers (2023)
Gilgamesh & Enkidu in Mesopotamian mythology
All Ka-Kabesa of the Kristang from 2583 onwards
Own work:
Naufal & Farquhar in Altered Straits (2017)
Alex & Posey in 'This Stirring Love' (2023)
Kosmozu
Kevin Martens Wong & Fuad Johari :)
Basic Wikihow articles for talking to autistic people in (somewhat reductive) Western terms
in case you do not know how to use or are afraid to use Google (legitimate fear in 2025)
How to Talk to an Autistic Person
(for #2, I am okay being touched unexpectedly, but if it is weird and/or concealing intense sexual desire for me that you could have otherwise just asked me to act on with you, be prepared for the fact that I will know and I will never forget it)
How to Support an Autistic Person
3 Ways to Calm Down an Autistic Person
My autistic meltdowns are further complicated by the aftereffects of multiple instances of rape, molest and prolonged institutional abuse from the Singapore state such that they especially very strongly now affect me when I am trying to be present in civil society or in the public space; they otherwise used to happen entirely in private due to early conditioning from my family to ensure I would maintain neurotypical social norms so that I would eventually be accepted as Kabesa by the Kristang community, which I am now secure enough as the first openly autistic Kabesa to begin to unlearn. Generally, I am triggered when I am (i) having trouble keeping my eyes open, maintaining eye contact and/or am blinking or squinting very rapidly and irregularly, (ii) crying or allowing tears to flow from my eyes while maintaining the exact same facial expression and body language that I am socially supposed to be maintaining, and/or (iii) starting to shudder and tremble uncontrollably while trying to maintain the exact same facial expression and body language that I am socially supposed to be maintaining; this means my psyche has unconsciously or semi-consciously assessed that there is psychoemotional danger to me in the immediate environment EITHER because someone is lying or intentionally and deliberately keeping their true and less-than-baseline-functionally-ethical intentions occluded from me AND/OR projection, lying, manipulation or enticement from someone who has hurt me very badly, and/or a false image put up by someone who has hurt me very badly is being taken at face value and intentionally or unintentionally (usually unintentionally) accepted by everyone else present. I usually am not able to consciously immediately understand why I am triggered and generally need to leave the environment immediately in order to process where the projection is coming from. Due to my psychoemotional health and holding of the Darklight Matrix of the Kristang People and the Dragon Reborn magnaarchetype, this trigger has a 100% accuracy rate for immediate incoming projection (= I do get triggered but do not trigger in this particular way at nothing and/or on false alarms, and generally am triggered for those latter two in less severe and intense ways due to the very strong level of self-awareness and self-control I have over my psyche after attempts to erase it entirely via severe psychoemotional abuse starting from 2019).
How to Deal with an Autistic Guy Who Has a Crush On You
Nothing stated on this page is anything as superficial or reductive as a crush, but this is probably a good place to start for figuring out how to communicate with and relate to me on a deeper level
How to Relate to an Autistic Boyfriend
To ensure your fantasies are calibrated for reality
How to Help a Suicidal Autistic Person
Not a problem now, has not been a problem since 1 February 2013 and not anticipated to ever be a problem ever again, but just for info, especially for people who were close to me between 2008 and 2013 and who didn't understand what the fuck was going on
Basic Wikihow articles for figuring out your gender and sexuality in (somewhat reductive) Western terms
again in case you do not know how to use or are afraid to use Google (very legitimate fear in 2025)
How to Stop Being Homophobic
(especially for particular members of the Eurasian Association, Catholic Junior College, Eunoia Junior College, the Ministry of Education and the Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth senior leadership, and all Members of Parliament and political leaders in the Republic of Singapore)
How to Deal With Homophobic Bullying
(especially for people working in the Eurasian Association, Catholic Junior College, Eunoia Junior College, the Ministry of Education and the Ministry of Culture, Community and Youth, and more generally in any Singapore government school or the Singapore Civil Service)
3 Ways to Know Your Sexuality
(Wenza in Kristang)
How to Figure Out Your Gender Identity
(Jenta in Kristang)
3 Ways to Know if You Are Gay
(Hierosa / iridesu / ultramar / arepu in Kristang)
3 Ways to Accept That You Are Gay
(You know who you are who fucking need to read and internalise this)
3 Ways to Decide Whether You Are Bisexual or Pansexual
(Kristang uses a different and generally more expansive way of defining these labels and identity constructs but English is probably a good way to start on this)
How to Tell Your Friend You Are Gay or Lesbian And Like Them Without Them Freaking Out
(I very likely mathematically predicted it years before you actually decide tell me, sometimes more than a decade ago when we were in SJI or in CJC, so don't worry, I definitely won't freak out)
